I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
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