Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
