i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
