My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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