It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
