you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
