I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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