You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
