Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
