Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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