false alarm. still invincible.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
