Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I'm always down for nudity.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
