I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
