I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
