fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
