mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
