My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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