I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
