Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
