Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
