Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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