My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Randomize
