It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
