Betty ford says i'm here all night
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
well you can't waste a boner
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
