Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
