He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
