It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Randomize
