put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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