Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
