ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
