i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
