i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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