brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
