5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
my poor anus
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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