im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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