whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
