Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
