I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
