She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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