If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
