drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
