So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
