and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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