All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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