is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
