Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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