Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
