I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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