You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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