...so i touched it.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
nutella sex= disaster
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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