Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
