He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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