I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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