I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
No subtext here. People are naked.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
