He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
