After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
