i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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